BEHAVIORS TO PRACTICE

• Allow increasing control in areas in which children are able to make decisions. This fosters independence and self-confidence.
• Allow choice when possible.
• Listen without offering criticism or solutions. Just listen.
• Provide opportunities for community service or action; this builds a sense of contribution.
• Promote social contact that is positive. Allow friends according to interests.
• Praise personal values you are trying to promote: hard work, kindness, responsibility. Criticize privately.
• Promote the value of challenging work and appreciation of school and learning.
• Teach good time management and organizational skills.
• Be alert to conflicts experienced between achieving and belonging.
• Encourage positive relationships with other adults, e.g. teachers, coaches, Scout leaders, other relatives, mentors.
• Model acceptance of mistakes.
• Pick your battles carefully. Think about what is important in the long run.
• Model healthy habits of good eating, exercise, downtime, and relaxing.
• Stand together in promoting the importance of school, work, effort, responsibility, and kindness, regardless of marital issues, divorce, etc.

BEHAVIORS TO AVOID

• Unrealistic expectations
• Praise for being the best, for being perfect, for being brilliant
• Control or criticism overeating or weight
• Criticizing teachers and school in front of the child; seek solutions
• Praising for attractiveness, appeal to the opposite gender, etc.
• Stereotyping by gender
• Criticism in front of others; comparison with other children
• Fixing them. They are not wrong, just different.
• Rescuing them from consequences or shielding them from difficulties